The Itchy and Scratchy Show

A few weeks ago I noticed a little spot on my leg that was itchy. I scratched around it and decided it might be a mosquito bite. I thought, "Those bats aren't keeping up with their end of the bargain!" The next day it was big and red and itchier. I upgraded it to a spider bite. The youngsters were thoughtful enough to begin speculating on the type of spider and then looked up the symptoms online. Some possibilities that stood out: "necrotic tissue" and "possible death". Comforting. By the third day it was bright red and oozing as well as spreading in a red line. This fit some of the symptoms of the scarier spider bites, so I called the doctor. I was told to come in right away. Comforting. The doctor on duty took one look at it and said: "Poison Ivy". Comforting. Really it was a relief. "Death" isn't a possible outcome of poison ivy. The outcome of poison ivy is "itching like the dickens". What exactly does that mean? It feels like a thousand mosquito bites in one spot. Like a whole case of chicken pox on the front of my leg. Agony. But at least I'm going to live.