Grow old along with me...

...the best is yet to be.

We celebrated the 32 year anniversary of the Andrew and JoAnna Gale Covenant Commitment and Marriage for Time and All Eternity a few weeks ago. The hubs flew out here to the  frozen East Coast for Valentine's Day and then I flew out to the West Coast for an Anniversary Rendezvous in sunny California for an early celebration of our special day.

Toasting our Anniversary with Water!

According to a helpful website the traditional gift for the 32 year anniversary is "Conveyances" and "Lapis"...

"For instance, if a couple is celebrating 32 years of marriage, one of the traditional gifts to present for this occasion is a lapis -- a semi-precious stone that boasts a deep blue shade. Other traditional gifts for a 32nd anniversary include modes of transportation." 

Then they go on to give gift suggestions for the husband:

"To honor your 32nd wedding anniversary with a gift of conveyance, surprise your wife with a new car. Choose an automobile in her favorite color, and include features that she'd find useful or appealing, such as an interior with the light-colored leather she likes best or a five-disc CD player. Smaller and less-expensive 32nd anniversary treats can include car air fresheners in her favorite scent, floor mats embroidered with her initials or a GPS system."

My thoughtful husband looked this up and explained it all to me in one of our daily phone calls. (This is how we keep our coast to coast relationship going--communication!) He was telling me that the two options were some kind of blue stone and modes of transportation. He said there was a surprise coming in the mail and I assumed it wasn't a car, (though I guess it could be a car air freshener) but then I said "Oh, did you find a blue rock? Are you sending me a rock?" Which actually I would be thrilled with--I'm always keeping my eye out for pretty rocks.

"A rock? Why would I send you a rock?" he laughed.

"Well you said the 32nd Anniversary gift was a blue stone-- it's some type of rock or something and mode of transportation. I assume you aren't sending me a Vespa or a unicycle or a donkey--so that leaves blue rock."

"Just keep your eye out for a surprise in the mail." he said, rolling his eyes (I'm assuming that last part--since we were talking via phone--I can't say for sure).

A few days later, this arrived:

A beautiful lapis stone necklace. 

Better than a rock. 

But that was not the end of my guy's thoughtfulness...

These beautiful roses arrived on my doorstep the actual day of...

...and then,

he held to tradition and gifted me with a mode of transportation.

And it's lapis blue! 

(well, it's Twilight Blue--but close enough)

 Love is what you go through together. James Thurber

A Heartfelt Anniversary Post

Gentle Reader,

Well, the anniversary came and went in the usual ebb and flow of the beautiful chaos that is our life. We celebrated our 31 years of marriage by going to dinner on a Tuesday. A rather unassuming way to celebrate what has been a heartstopping yet very strengthening year for The Andy and JoAnna Gale Covenant Commitment and Marriage for Time and All Eternity. We seem to be entering that stage of life where youth and indestructibility give way to age and deterioration. We have to face what we have known all along: we aren't going to live forever in the mortal sense. All the more reason to expand our horizons into the Eternity aspect of this union and focus less on the daily ups and downs of the Time aspect.

Andy suffered through months of pain and several wrong guesses at the reason for the pain, before they discovered it was an infection in a disc in his back. The recovery was slow and painful. A few months later, I went in for a routine diagnostic colonoscopy (something to look forward to when you turn 50!) and my blood pressure went sky high and scared the anesthesiologist when IV meds didn't bring it down. That led to an immediate trip to the doctor and an EKG to check for heart issues. When an abnormality showed up--the Doctor said, "It looks like you have had a small heart attack." I just about had a heart attack. (ha) That meant a trip to the cardiologist and some various and sundry poking and prodding and my usual explanations as to why I would have eight children and how I don't look old enough to be a grandmother (small consolation--but duly appreciated nonetheless) and who in their right mind would homeschool and so on and so forth.

As I was having my heart examined, I did my own examining of  this old heart.
My diagnosis:
 It is very heartwarming to have a loving husband who is so concerned about my health. He looked after me and drove me here and there for the Dr. appointment and he picked up my prescription and then tucked me in and took care of things so I could rest. My heart is full of gratitude for all of the ways he takes care of me and us. The us includes an amazing family -- our eight children and their spouses and children. My heart swells with love and pride in the way they are living their lives sweetly entwined in the gospel plan.

I can see how life's experiences thus far have helped to soften my heart. As I realize my shortcomings and look at myself honestly and without excuses, I see so many things I need to work on. That makes me realize how reliant I am on the grace and mercy of the Savior and the Atonement means everything to me. That same process has been working on Andy and we have come to a new level of understanding with each other that is supportive rather than critical. Merciful rather than punishing. Peaceful rather than contentious.

 Becoming one heart takes a lot of humility and repentance and forgiveness. It requires us to set aside selfishness and look to the other's needs and wants. We are very blessed to have the same eternal goals and strength of conviction in spiritual matters. That is the key to our marriage lasting through the heart-wrenching earthly lessons that make or break us. That won't happen with hardened hearts, in fact, it requires a broken heart along with a contrite spirit.

So, maybe I have a heart condition, I don't have the final diagnosis on that yet. The bigger question is: What is the condition of my heart?

I just have one last thing to say to wrap up this hearty anniversary post:

Going Back in Time

Today we are going to take a magical journey back in time. We will pretend that all of these posts were completed and rolled out whilst the events were still current. We will also try to accomplish this in spite of the keyboard glitches I discovered after I left my laptop with those two hooligans I call sons during my trip to welcome a new grandbaby. It is an interesting challenge to type with a sticky "h" and a persnickety "backspace" key. Nevertheless, I shall persevere.

An Anniversary of Epic Proportions
Well, that may be a little over-exaggerated, but it was the 30 year mark so that is certainly an
accomplishment worth celebrating. We enjoyed a week-end trip into New York City and took in
a couple of Broadway shows. Andy took Friday off so we had some extra time to spend in Times Square in the ticket line. We got our Wicked tickets in advance but we decided to try our luck for same day tickets to an extra show--just for fun.

We agreed on Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark

The aerial acrobatics were amazing, the music was loud and the costumes and set very

"comic book"--bright, bold and colorful. Entertaining but not my vision of a musical.

But then, I am old so what do I know?

We enjoyed a delicious Italian dinner~thanks to a great recommendation by a 

friend who is a long-time New Yorker. 

The next morning, we enjoyed a lovely brunch at the 

Waldorf Astoria...

It was fancy and delicious.

We walked out into the rain so I had

to take a picture of this:

Because I like irony and juxtaposition and stuff.

We went to the matinee of Wicked.

I think we are just about the last people on earth to see that show.

It pretty much lives up to all the hype. 

I was surprised to find myself tearing up at the end--

--and so did this guy:

We wrapped up our adventure with the tasty fried food at the Carnegie Deli.

And then we headed for home.

Together--

just as we have been doing for

the past 30 years.

Heading home together.

Love this song...

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: A Late Anniversary Post

I didn't get a chance to write a real anniversary post--I have been gallivanting across the country trying to find a place to live on the other coast. If we ever sell the house on this coast that is. But even amidst the chaos, I have been pondering the meaning of twenty-nine years of marriage. I checked the traditional anniversary gift list and there is silver for the twenty-fifth and pearl for the thirtieth (Thirty Years of Marriage is  a pearl of great price, don't you agree?) But nothing for the twenty-ninth. So I made up my own.

I can't speak for all women but I think in general, we tend to keep things tucked away in our memory--every little hurt, every unhappy moment is there to retrieve at a moment's notice; to come flooding out when we are upset in the present. Andy and I joke sometimes that I can remember what he was wearing and which child was the baby for every insensitive thing he ever said or did. But in my journey to become, I have been trying to lay everything on the altar. To truly give away all my sins to know the Savior. As I study Isaiah and the parables of the Savior and read the Book of Mormon, I find my heart turned to the meaning of the Atonement in my life and ask myself if I am allowing it to really transform me.

Years ago, I wrote this in my journal: "I am understanding and even generous in forgiving the children their unkindnesses or human weakness because they are young and still learning. I can do the same with friends and acquaintances because I don't live under the same roof with them and hope that my understanding and patience will earn the same for me when I fall short. But I can't seem to do that for my own husband. Why? Why does he have to be perfect? It really isn't fair is it? Perhaps he struggles the same way with me. Expecting perfection and being frustrated. Perhaps this is why marriage is required for the highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom. Surely it is so soul-refining, so humbling that it requires much more than other human relationships. I love Andy and I know with surety that we are meant to be eternal companions. I need to keep that in mind and not stumble over human frailty. Not require more of him than I am able to give."

Well, even after that insight, the "natural (wo)man" in me kept sucker-punching me and throwing me to the ground. So I have come to this anniversary humbled by the time we have had to be apart--he is working in Connecticut and I am here trying to sell the house. While I was there over the week-end I told him: "I just want to get things wrapped up and all of us back together under one roof so we can go back to taking each other for granted." We both laughed but what I really mean is, there is so much I love about being married that can start to feel commonplace after I have had that guy around for twenty-nine years. Just one example: when looking at houses, I can completely overlook little flaws or inconveniences in any house because I know Andy will find a way to fix, remodel and reconfigure it to be just what I want. But his remodeling projects over the years have also been a source of irritation to me. I complain about something that is a blessing to me! Of course I am giving you just one example of many, I am not proud to say.

So, dear, I have decided that the symbol for the twenty-ninth anniversary is slate. As in a clean slate. You can't make it into jewelry like silver or gold. You can't make it into dishes like china and crystal. But I can give the gift of real forgiveness and cherish all of the simple, ordinary, beautiful blessings that add up to an Eternal Companionship. I have tied up the natural (wo)man in me and duct-taped her mouth. She may escape once in awhile but I've got this slate ready to hit her over the head. Happy twenty-ninth.

I like to think of this as our theme song...

This is Dedicated to the One I Love

Since we are between Valentine's Day and our Anniversary, here's a little something for my Guy--anyone who has been married for awhile will probably relate.

State of the Union

Somehow the 28th Wedding Anniversary came and went without any official acknowledgement here in blogland. For past anniversaries I have sung his praises, and given you the secret to our success. So this year, I will tell you a story.

Our daughter, Siara once described us rather aptly with this: "Dad's all Rock n Roll (as she demonstrated with some wild air guitar) and Mom is "La la la la la (done with some lovely air violin). What can I say? I had a thing for bad-boy RM  accounting majors who drive beat-up Plymouth Volari station wagons. So, with two very different people in a marriage, you can imagine that there has been some need for adjustment and compromise over the years. To put it mildly.

There came a time amidst the craziness of raising our big family, that I realized I had become a little negative in my attitude toward my Prince Charming. I  found an outlet for my frustration in my journal. Journal writing pretty much saved me big bucks in therapy over the years. But, I began to realize that I usually took the time to whine and complain in my journal when things didn't go my way but I didn't always take the time to pour out my feelings when I was happy with my hubby. So I decided to remedy that. I set a goal to write two good things about my guy each time I wrote in my journal. And I did. I faithfully recorded the little endearing things he said or did. I wrote about his amazing feats of strength when he worked around the house. I waxed lyrical about his willingness to bathe the children and put them to bed that one time. I recorded my admiration for his hard work in providing for us. His careful planning. His untiring service in his church callings.  It really did wonders for my attitude as I took a moment at the end of each day to dwell on the positive. The exercise served its purpose and eventually tapered off and I forgot about it.

Until...Andy was going to give a talk in church and he asked me about a specific incident involving one of the kids. I pulled out my journal to give him the details and I noticed those little addendums to my journal entries back then. I thought he might enjoy hearing them so I told him what I had done and started reading them to him. It was quite heart-warming up until I came upon this one:

                                 "He's asleep right now"
                                 "He bathes regularly"

I guess that wasn't a good day. Luckily he laughed heartily and told the story in his talk the next day.

And thus we see, Gentle Reader, that true love is a work in progress. I'm just glad I have a whole eternity to figure it out--and 28 years is a good start.

The Anniversary

27 years together is an accomplishment worth noting. We are two people who could not be more different. It was once documented when our very detailed personality profiles (after filling out a fifty-page questionnaire each) were used as an example in a business conference as two people who were complete opposites in a way the moderator had never seen in all of his years of professional experience. Ironically, of all the couples in that room at the time, we are one of the few who are still together. What is our secret? Sheer determination? Sometimes. Stubborn stick-to-it-iveness? That helps. A little bit of crazy? Can't hurt.
But the real secret is: I don't know. I can't narrow it down to one or two things. It's taking one day at a time.  It's dinner on the table. It's socks in the hamper. It's paying the insurance. It's compromising on  what kind of chips to buy. It's leaky roofs and leaky toilets. It's diapers and ear infections. It's getting through and getting by. It's laughing. Lots of laughing. It's being all in, come heck or high water (and trust me, we've had both). It's worry and contentment. It's insane and reasonable. It's highs and lows. It's the mundane and the sublime. It's you and me. It's us. It's forever. It's wonderful.

How Do I Love Thee...

In celebration of our 26 years of wedded bliss, today I have a list for my husband:

26 Things I Love About You

1. You served a faithful mission among people that I love. Then married me in the Salt Lake Temple for Time and All Eternity.

2. Scott

3. Siara

4. Shanna

5. Spencer

6. Seth

7. Shayla

8. Sam

9. Shane

10. You sing Josh Groban songs to me on our way to the Temple.

11. You hold my hand when we are out together--even at Costco.

12. You tell me I'm hot. Even though your sight is dimming at the same rate as my youth.

13. You have to wear reading glasses--it means we are growing old together.

14. You flex your biceps for me.

15. You can install a toilet or a tub or a shower. You can do electrical work and tiling--pretty much anything when it comes to home improvement.

16. You don't mess around once you start a project--you just get it done. You have made every place we've lived beautiful and comfortable.

17. You know the lyrics to a million random songs from the 60's right up to today. And sing them at random moments to fit the occasion.

18. You eat anything I make and never complain, and compliment my cooking to the children.

19 You are financially responsible and have given me security all the years of our marriage. Your careful planning is the reason we haven't suffered through this past year of unemployment.

20. You are the voice of reason when I am upset.

21. You make me laugh. I mean that in a good way.

22. You try really hard to understand me and figure me out--your efforts are duly noted--though you know it's a lost cause.

23. You have always been outstanding in your field of work. We have traveled the world together and dined with captains of industry. We have had amazing adventures at home and abroad. I have seen you converse in the language of business with people from far and wide. I see the respect they have for you and the way you put them at ease.

24. You bought a run-down cabin and made it beautiful and comfortable because it was my dream.

25. You have kept the faith and been an example of a worthy Priesthood bearer to our children. I see the love and dedication you put into every church calling--from Bishop, to Gospel Doctrine Teacher to Home Teacher.

26. You have given me the first 26 years of an Eternity with you that I look forward to.

Love Is...

Today Andy and I celebrate our 25th Anniversary. This is known as the Silver Anniversary--(it takes another 25 years to achieve the Gold status!) In today's world this is an amazing achievement. For us, it's a miracle. We both came from kooky families and when we found each other we brought all our craziness with us. We did our best not to be too dysfunctional for the sake of the children but some of that baggage came along with us anyway. Fortunately we are blessed to have eight amazing children who are turning out wonderfully in spite of us. So, here's to the beginning of the Gale Family, and another twenty-five years of loving and learning!

"Love is something more than feelings of the heart, it is also a covenant we keep with soul and mind."